after a few months of depression, guilt, etc. from my miscarriage.... i am back again here. :-) and i am back with a good news too. i'm pregnant again! and i'm already in my 14th week now.
alhamdulillah, i had a scan about 10 days back and my gynea confirmed that the baby is healthy. the baby even gave me a smile when he/she 'showed' me that he/she can jump like a spring in the womb. hehehhe.....
my nausea period has lessen now (thank God!) and i hope it will soon go off so that i can enjoy my pregnancy. hmm.... forgot how it felt like already. anyway, till next update.... bubbye!
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Thursday, 26 July 2007
my days for the 'evacuation' at HUKM
22nd july:
at HUKM, i was able to be registered with my sister-in-law's help since she's a doctor there. i had another scan with the doctor there and she confirmed again that it was a 'blighted ovum' case. only God knows how i wish at that time that a miracle could happen. but of course, i understand that... 'itu kehendakNya'.
i was admitted straight away and a series of blood takings, blood pressure tests, etc. were done. it seemed that there were many other serious cases, so i was told that my turn had to be the next day since i had to fast from midnight, as a preparation for the operation. i was quite bored but luckily it was Sunday and my hubby was there to make me feel better and not to think about the miscarriage too much. i was warded together with few pregnant women and some other cases like fibroid case, etc. some of them were even there for more than a month already because of complications. since i had never been admitted for any other case than 'going-to-deliver', so i was quite bored when my hubby had to go. luckily i got through the first night quite well since i was able to have a good sleep (and no nightmares).
23rd july:
the next morning i was told that there are more serious case to be done first, so i guessed my surgery time will be around noon. at around 9am, one of the senior nurses inserted a medicine which will help to dilate and soften my womb, and also open my cervix, so that it is easier for the surgeon to do the suction. i was told that they were going to do a procedure called Evacuation of Retain Product of Conception (ERPOC). the surgeon will insert an instrument to vacuum out the remaining of my miscarriage.
boredom hits me as i didn't know what to do, i couldn't eat or sleep or bathe (they had to insert water through my left hand because i had to fast, so i was told not to get that area wet). about an hour after the medicine insertion, i started to feel the contractions. only God knows how painful it was and my womb was contracting for about 3 hours, nonstop. my hubby was there during the last hour and was helping by rubbing my back constantly. i felt like... giving birth (the contraction was similar as contractions when giving birth).
at around 4pm, i was prepared by the nurses to go into the surgery room. imagine how long i had to wait. after 2 times of bed changing, advices from the surgery nurses of the procedures and general aesthetics, i was fully unconscious for the whole operation. when i woke up, i was already on another bed and costume changed. all was done... i felt a little dizzy until i arrived at the ward again. my hubby was there waiting for me the whole time...
i was advised to try to drink some water and eat. luckily i had a very good appetite and had a good meal after that (my mum-in-law cooked some food for me). i had to stay there for another night (gosh, there goes another boring episode) because they had to wait until i was really fit to be discharged.
24th july:
i was discharged at noon...
zarina.
at HUKM, i was able to be registered with my sister-in-law's help since she's a doctor there. i had another scan with the doctor there and she confirmed again that it was a 'blighted ovum' case. only God knows how i wish at that time that a miracle could happen. but of course, i understand that... 'itu kehendakNya'.
i was admitted straight away and a series of blood takings, blood pressure tests, etc. were done. it seemed that there were many other serious cases, so i was told that my turn had to be the next day since i had to fast from midnight, as a preparation for the operation. i was quite bored but luckily it was Sunday and my hubby was there to make me feel better and not to think about the miscarriage too much. i was warded together with few pregnant women and some other cases like fibroid case, etc. some of them were even there for more than a month already because of complications. since i had never been admitted for any other case than 'going-to-deliver', so i was quite bored when my hubby had to go. luckily i got through the first night quite well since i was able to have a good sleep (and no nightmares).
23rd july:
the next morning i was told that there are more serious case to be done first, so i guessed my surgery time will be around noon. at around 9am, one of the senior nurses inserted a medicine which will help to dilate and soften my womb, and also open my cervix, so that it is easier for the surgeon to do the suction. i was told that they were going to do a procedure called Evacuation of Retain Product of Conception (ERPOC). the surgeon will insert an instrument to vacuum out the remaining of my miscarriage.
boredom hits me as i didn't know what to do, i couldn't eat or sleep or bathe (they had to insert water through my left hand because i had to fast, so i was told not to get that area wet). about an hour after the medicine insertion, i started to feel the contractions. only God knows how painful it was and my womb was contracting for about 3 hours, nonstop. my hubby was there during the last hour and was helping by rubbing my back constantly. i felt like... giving birth (the contraction was similar as contractions when giving birth).
at around 4pm, i was prepared by the nurses to go into the surgery room. imagine how long i had to wait. after 2 times of bed changing, advices from the surgery nurses of the procedures and general aesthetics, i was fully unconscious for the whole operation. when i woke up, i was already on another bed and costume changed. all was done... i felt a little dizzy until i arrived at the ward again. my hubby was there waiting for me the whole time...
i was advised to try to drink some water and eat. luckily i had a very good appetite and had a good meal after that (my mum-in-law cooked some food for me). i had to stay there for another night (gosh, there goes another boring episode) because they had to wait until i was really fit to be discharged.
24th july:
i was discharged at noon...
zarina.
another sorrow in my path of life...
9th july...
i went for my first scan. my husband and i were so excited that we finally have the chance to see our baby for the first time. we were so anxious to see the fetus. we did not waste our time, i straight away told the doctor that i wanted to do a scan and it was also stated in my last visit. when the doctor was scanning my tummy, we (including the doctor) were shocked to see that the amniotic sac was empty (though the sac was quite small). but the doctor said that it might be to early OR i might have the date wrong. but i was assure that the date i gave was correct, since i always note those important dates for my own reference. the doctor told us to come back in a months time and not to worry. the fetus might be too small to be visible and moreover my bladder was not full at that time to help with the scan.
but we went back home feeling worried... there was a lot of things in my mind. eerie thoughts that even gave me few nights of nightmare during my sleep.
21st july...
we decided to have a second opinion. my cousin, Maria, told us to go see her gynea, Dr Delaila (who is also a specialist at SJMC), to get some advice and thorough check up. we went to her clinic, feeling very tense and unsure if what we were doing was right. we had a little hard time looking for the clinic, since it was night time and we've never gone through that area before.
when we get to the clinic, after waiting for almost an hour (there were already some other patients --> mostly pregnant women at the clinic), it was our turn to go in. i told everything to the doctor and she decided to give me another scan...
the moment we could all see the result at the screen, dr delaila confirmed that it was a missed miscarriage (in other words: blighted ovum). she told us that blighted ovum happens when the fetus doesn't develop because of chromosomal defect reasons but the sac and placenta will keep on growing. my HCG hormones still increases although the fetus is not there... i couldn't express how i felt at that time. i was bursting into tears the whole journey home, the whole night and the whole of next morning. what made me feel more sad is that i didn't have any pain or bleeding for the miscarriage... and dr delaila advised me to do the 'cleaning' as soon as possible, as it could endanger my life if i began to bleed.
we decided to register at HUKM for the cleaning...
zarina.
i went for my first scan. my husband and i were so excited that we finally have the chance to see our baby for the first time. we were so anxious to see the fetus. we did not waste our time, i straight away told the doctor that i wanted to do a scan and it was also stated in my last visit. when the doctor was scanning my tummy, we (including the doctor) were shocked to see that the amniotic sac was empty (though the sac was quite small). but the doctor said that it might be to early OR i might have the date wrong. but i was assure that the date i gave was correct, since i always note those important dates for my own reference. the doctor told us to come back in a months time and not to worry. the fetus might be too small to be visible and moreover my bladder was not full at that time to help with the scan.
but we went back home feeling worried... there was a lot of things in my mind. eerie thoughts that even gave me few nights of nightmare during my sleep.
21st july...
we decided to have a second opinion. my cousin, Maria, told us to go see her gynea, Dr Delaila (who is also a specialist at SJMC), to get some advice and thorough check up. we went to her clinic, feeling very tense and unsure if what we were doing was right. we had a little hard time looking for the clinic, since it was night time and we've never gone through that area before.
when we get to the clinic, after waiting for almost an hour (there were already some other patients --> mostly pregnant women at the clinic), it was our turn to go in. i told everything to the doctor and she decided to give me another scan...
the moment we could all see the result at the screen, dr delaila confirmed that it was a missed miscarriage (in other words: blighted ovum). she told us that blighted ovum happens when the fetus doesn't develop because of chromosomal defect reasons but the sac and placenta will keep on growing. my HCG hormones still increases although the fetus is not there... i couldn't express how i felt at that time. i was bursting into tears the whole journey home, the whole night and the whole of next morning. what made me feel more sad is that i didn't have any pain or bleeding for the miscarriage... and dr delaila advised me to do the 'cleaning' as soon as possible, as it could endanger my life if i began to bleed.
we decided to register at HUKM for the cleaning...
zarina.
Saturday, 16 June 2007
introducing... the new life in me
wow! 6 weeks already!? that was how young the fetus in my tummy is :-) we have been trying for few months already and almost got used to 'tak jadi lagi?'. anyway, the 'double-lines' on the pregnancy test kit gave us a shock last week, especially when i do not have the normal signs of pregnancy. i used to have nausea and headache and vomiting, etc. but no, not this time. (thank God! --> and I hope it'll remain like this) just tiredness and restless at times during night time...
this time, i do have cravings too but i eat a LOT! my appetite just increase like crazy! i can't even fit in my work pants anymore. :-(( and the fetus is only like 7 weeks old (like the size of a grape). i'm eating whatever i feel like eating and crave for 'telur penyu' too. hehehhe.... (kesian my hubby, kena cari like crazy... --> i love u, bang. keep on searching kay!)
well, last week my dad-in-law had to search along the way to Seremban for 'mempelam muda' for me. then when he found them at somebody's house, he asked for them and they gave like a plastic bag of it. so, my mum-in-law, sis-in-law (yea, them too) and me were attacking them later. and we all do the genyit-genyit mata lah, while eating with garam and also gula & kicap (you know what i mean, masam la). :-))
well, not much to say about this pregnancy yet. i pray that the baby and i will be fine and everything will go on smooth later (especially during labor... OWH!!) as for now, i've got to continue with my project paper writings... heheh.. ;-)
will update again about this next month after the 1st ultrasound scan...
zarina.
this time, i do have cravings too but i eat a LOT! my appetite just increase like crazy! i can't even fit in my work pants anymore. :-(( and the fetus is only like 7 weeks old (like the size of a grape). i'm eating whatever i feel like eating and crave for 'telur penyu' too. hehehhe.... (kesian my hubby, kena cari like crazy... --> i love u, bang. keep on searching kay!)
well, last week my dad-in-law had to search along the way to Seremban for 'mempelam muda' for me. then when he found them at somebody's house, he asked for them and they gave like a plastic bag of it. so, my mum-in-law, sis-in-law (yea, them too) and me were attacking them later. and we all do the genyit-genyit mata lah, while eating with garam and also gula & kicap (you know what i mean, masam la). :-))
well, not much to say about this pregnancy yet. i pray that the baby and i will be fine and everything will go on smooth later (especially during labor... OWH!!) as for now, i've got to continue with my project paper writings... heheh.. ;-)
will update again about this next month after the 1st ultrasound scan...
zarina.
Wednesday, 23 May 2007
dream come true...?
everybody dreams. have you ever dreamt of something and forget about it when you wake up, and later when something similar happens, you suddenly thought 'hey, it's deja vu'? or you are thinking in your head that you have dreamt that happen? well, that's normal i guess... there are dreams that plays around with your thoughts and sweet dreams (that makes you never want to wake up) and dreams that gives you a lot of questions in your mind. there's also dreams like what i am going to share with you next... superstitious dreams.. (though i have had many, let's share this one first). it is a dream of a person who had variable life experience...
the dream...
i have a godfather (have been long since i see him). a very wise person who always speaks wisely about everything. few years back i dreamt of him, coming to my house but refuse to enter my home for the reason that i do not understand nor i do not know. though he was stern, he was always smiling seeing me. he called me to come out and see what he had brought. he carried with him a bundle, something wrapped with 'kain batik' and passed it to me with a reminder. he said.... "Beware". that was a moment of curiosity...
he went back that very instant and i straight away brought the bundle inside the house to see what's inside... full of curiosity, i was very excited since it comes from my beloved godfather. i started to open the 'kain batik' tie. to my surprise, there were many 'daun sirih' and it seems that they were wrapping something (the bundle was quite heavy though). so i was going through the leaves until i saw it. guess what it was? (don't think you will ever guess)
i was startled. i was shocked. i was shaking. OMG! it was a human head! it was a girl's human head! then i woke up... wondering what 'message' my godfather was trying to convey to me (that was consider superstitious huh?). after that dream, day by day, i slowly forgot about it. it was a girl's head, with a fair complexion and the hair was colored....
the reality...
after few weeks had gone by, i was introduced with a very nice girl by my mama (i'll initial her as 'L'). she's very pretty, fair, had nice skin and very humble too. had some interested eyes open wide too (if you know what i mean. hehheee). so then L started to be very close to mama and in no time, mama has brought her everywhere (almost everywhere she went). we never had any doubts since mama is a person who likes to do charity everywhere and helps unfortunate people (not that L was too unfortunate but as long as mama was happy, we never question anything).
all this was brought until L were given a lot of things by mama. a rented house with complete furnishing, some jeweleries and of course $ (never ending)...
the real reality...
to cut the story short, L was found a fake and a liar (it's a longer story if i tell you how we found out about this). she's a parasite who make friends to rich people and spending her privileges in every way. we finally ditched her, threw her out of our lives, took all her privileges and thought of giving her to the police but there was no strong reason to accuse her (since we did give her privileges without force). so mama decided to let her go and told her to never come back, or else.... (hehhehe... mama always have special 'authority' towards a lot of things). believe it or not, we were told that she did 'pukau' us (all of us). can you believe that? :-)
well, days go by and suddenly i remembered my dream again. oh dear god.... i guess that was what my godfather was trying to tell me. that there will be a girl who's going to come into our lives and do us bad. i guess it is a blessing that she didn't hurt anyone in anyway. i mean, she could have stolen anything, or hurt any of the children (or even kidnap them since she was getting quite close to them), or also steal our possessions. thank god.... we were all glad that everything went back to normal. of course there were a series of how to handle the rented house, the jeweleries, etc. but of course, the $ was totally lost.
moral of the story...
moral of the story is.... (not - to believe what you dream. hehhehe) never, never, never trust anyone. :-) always think before you do anything. if possible, keep close to your family members as they can always smell it if you are not being yourself and you must always limit yourself in anything - spending... or even being close to someone new i guess. everybody needs time to get to know people. then again, all this is an education to us too (teladan). it is part of life that we can actually never escape from. there's always a reason for everything. :-) when we need to learn something, most of the times, we need to experience it. experience is the best teacher. don't you think so?
life is great...
zarina.
the dream...
i have a godfather (have been long since i see him). a very wise person who always speaks wisely about everything. few years back i dreamt of him, coming to my house but refuse to enter my home for the reason that i do not understand nor i do not know. though he was stern, he was always smiling seeing me. he called me to come out and see what he had brought. he carried with him a bundle, something wrapped with 'kain batik' and passed it to me with a reminder. he said.... "Beware". that was a moment of curiosity...
he went back that very instant and i straight away brought the bundle inside the house to see what's inside... full of curiosity, i was very excited since it comes from my beloved godfather. i started to open the 'kain batik' tie. to my surprise, there were many 'daun sirih' and it seems that they were wrapping something (the bundle was quite heavy though). so i was going through the leaves until i saw it. guess what it was? (don't think you will ever guess)
i was startled. i was shocked. i was shaking. OMG! it was a human head! it was a girl's human head! then i woke up... wondering what 'message' my godfather was trying to convey to me (that was consider superstitious huh?). after that dream, day by day, i slowly forgot about it. it was a girl's head, with a fair complexion and the hair was colored....
the reality...
after few weeks had gone by, i was introduced with a very nice girl by my mama (i'll initial her as 'L'). she's very pretty, fair, had nice skin and very humble too. had some interested eyes open wide too (if you know what i mean. hehheee). so then L started to be very close to mama and in no time, mama has brought her everywhere (almost everywhere she went). we never had any doubts since mama is a person who likes to do charity everywhere and helps unfortunate people (not that L was too unfortunate but as long as mama was happy, we never question anything).
all this was brought until L were given a lot of things by mama. a rented house with complete furnishing, some jeweleries and of course $ (never ending)...
the real reality...
to cut the story short, L was found a fake and a liar (it's a longer story if i tell you how we found out about this). she's a parasite who make friends to rich people and spending her privileges in every way. we finally ditched her, threw her out of our lives, took all her privileges and thought of giving her to the police but there was no strong reason to accuse her (since we did give her privileges without force). so mama decided to let her go and told her to never come back, or else.... (hehhehe... mama always have special 'authority' towards a lot of things). believe it or not, we were told that she did 'pukau' us (all of us). can you believe that? :-)
well, days go by and suddenly i remembered my dream again. oh dear god.... i guess that was what my godfather was trying to tell me. that there will be a girl who's going to come into our lives and do us bad. i guess it is a blessing that she didn't hurt anyone in anyway. i mean, she could have stolen anything, or hurt any of the children (or even kidnap them since she was getting quite close to them), or also steal our possessions. thank god.... we were all glad that everything went back to normal. of course there were a series of how to handle the rented house, the jeweleries, etc. but of course, the $ was totally lost.
moral of the story...
moral of the story is.... (not - to believe what you dream. hehhehe) never, never, never trust anyone. :-) always think before you do anything. if possible, keep close to your family members as they can always smell it if you are not being yourself and you must always limit yourself in anything - spending... or even being close to someone new i guess. everybody needs time to get to know people. then again, all this is an education to us too (teladan). it is part of life that we can actually never escape from. there's always a reason for everything. :-) when we need to learn something, most of the times, we need to experience it. experience is the best teacher. don't you think so?
life is great...
zarina.
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