another sorrow in my path of life...

9th july...

i went for my first scan. my husband and i were so excited that we finally have the chance to see our baby for the first time. we were so anxious to see the fetus. we did not waste our time, i straight away told the doctor that i wanted to do a scan and it was also stated in my last visit. when the doctor was scanning my tummy, we (including the doctor) were shocked to see that the amniotic sac was empty (though the sac was quite small). but the doctor said that it might be to early OR i might have the date wrong. but i was assure that the date i gave was correct, since i always note those important dates for my own reference. the doctor told us to come back in a months time and not to worry. the fetus might be too small to be visible and moreover my bladder was not full at that time to help with the scan.

but we went back home feeling worried... there was a lot of things in my mind. eerie thoughts that even gave me few nights of nightmare during my sleep.


21st july...

we decided to have a second opinion. my cousin, Maria, told us to go see her gynea, Dr Delaila (who is also a specialist at SJMC), to get some advice and thorough check up. we went to her clinic, feeling very tense and unsure if what we were doing was right. we had a little hard time looking for the clinic, since it was night time and we've never gone through that area before.

when we get to the clinic, after waiting for almost an hour (there were already some other patients --> mostly pregnant women at the clinic), it was our turn to go in. i told everything to the doctor and she decided to give me another scan...

the moment we could all see the result at the screen, dr delaila confirmed that it was a missed miscarriage (in other words: blighted ovum). she told us that blighted ovum happens when the fetus doesn't develop because of chromosomal defect reasons but the sac and placenta will keep on growing. my HCG hormones still increases although the fetus is not there... i couldn't express how i felt at that time. i was bursting into tears the whole journey home, the whole night and the whole of next morning. what made me feel more sad is that i didn't have any pain or bleeding for the miscarriage... and dr delaila advised me to do the 'cleaning' as soon as possible, as it could endanger my life if i began to bleed.

we decided to register at HUKM for the cleaning...

zarina.